Conversation is more than talking

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Talking with clients

A reader asked me for tips on talking to clients. On the surface, this seemed so basic – but for those who aren’t client-facing or doing BD (business development) all day, here are some thoughts. As with anything, take what is useful and ignore the rest.

Good conversation, for me. . . 

Not everyone is an extrovert who enjoys meeting new people, and talking. The good news is that good conversation is more about listening and asking good questions, than talking.

Although this Can you create a connection?  Do people like talking to you?

Asking great questions

This is the core job of a management consultant. It is something that Peter Drucker prided himself on. When you listen to great interviews by Charlie Rose, Oprah, Larry King, Tim Ferriss, or others, it’s amazing to see how they develop a rapport with the interviewee, and start on a brief jaunt together. It’s intellectually curiosity in action. Some other tips I noticed from superstar conversationalists, which I break into 3 parts:

Know your audience

  • Do the research: Time precious – so definitely don’t waste your client’s time by rehashing things you should already know. Worst thing ever = asking the client something you can Google or ChatGPT.
  • Get a referral. Have someone introduce you; don’t go in cold to an interview
  • Schedule in advance. Bring an agenda. Demonstrate proficiency, polish, and purpose. 
  • Understand who this person is, what success looks like to them, and their career situation.

Be professional

  • Show respect. Knock. Ask if it’s a good time. If it’s running over time, ask if you they have another 5 minutes
  • Credentialize yourself. No one wants to talk some a newbie. So, find subtle ways to demonstrate that you deserve to be at this table, have things to say, have done the analysis, and have a point of view. You are not an underling.
  • Be purposeful. They are not there to become your friend. If you become friends – then WINNING – but that’s usually not the purpose.  Make progress during the interview and explain how you plan to use this information. Sadly, I have had people interview me, and I awkwardly have to stop them early in the interview and ask, “Sorry, but what is the main purpose of this?”  Yikes.
  • If you promise confidentiality, keep it. With any interview, there is some explicit and implicit trust. Some things are meant to stay off-the-record. Keep that code of omerta.
  • Follow through. We all make promises during conversations, but only 1/2 of us follow through. Send them the article. Linkedin with them. 

Make it comfortable

  • Make it a safe place to talk. Clients can be way of consultants – yes, we are often called in to assess costs, do layoffs.  To the extent possible, be disarming. Find common ground. Chat before the interview, or have some authentic interaction (even by email) that helps to “grease the skids”.
  • Provide context: Assuming this is a friendly interview – not cross-examining a witness – make it easy for them talk.  Start with open-ended questions. Stitch together themes among their responses
  • Read body language (were they hesitant? were they amused? were they impatient? were they excited)
  • Look around and observe. Sales managers coach their sales people to “look around the office” of their prospect for clues/cues of things to talk about: Oh, you went to Ole Miss?  So did my brother.  Great photo, that looks like Cancun.
  • Remember. Take the extra 15 seconds to remember their name, and your last conversation. I am notoriously bad at this, but honestly. . . when you keep forgetting the name of their business unit – you are an inconsiderate fool.

Ask good questions

  • Ask one question at a time. Don’t ask multiple (sumif, nested) questions at once. It’s confusing.
  • Use plain English, don’t hedge or use business-y talk.
  • Draw linkage between the questions and answers, just like a smooth case interview 
  • Soften the question. Even difficult questions can be less offensive if introduced in the right way.
    • This might seem obvious, but . . .
    • Perhaps it’s just me, but. . .
    • Maybe this is not true here, but a lot of other B2B companies. . .
    • From my experience, I found that . . .
  • When appropriate, summarize key insights. If you’ve found a good nugget of information, point it out
  • “Is there any question I should have asked you that I didn’t.”
  • “That’s great, can you send me that report / data / table? Here’s my email address.”
  • “Is there anyone else you’d recommend that we speak with about this?”
  • “Would it be okay to reach out to you, if we have follow-up questions?” 

Be likable

  • People like to spend time with people like themselves – similar interests, background, future plans, and aspirations. Call it “mirroring“, or as I like to say, “common sense.” It may be insulting, but some super Dale Carnegie-level questions that ANYONE will respond to. . .
    • Where did you grow up?
    • Any good vacation plans?
    • What are your favorite restaurants around here?
  • Be human. Depending on the context – offer things about yourself that are authentic, true, perhaps a bit personal. It’s okay to be a bit vulnerable and self-deprecating, if that is comfortable to you. No one likes a “perfect person”
  • Care. This might come across as touchy/feely, but I believe you need to care for the person across the table. On some SUPER-BASIC level, if you don’t wish them well, you are using them.
  • Reciprocate. Think about how to help them out, provide some insight, value, or connection. Return the favor if you can. Say the words, “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
  • Have fun. If you are not having a good time, they will not either. Remember, it’s a conversation and mutual discovery – not homework. Talking and connecting is what makes us human. Don’t over-think.
  • “A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.” Francis Bacon

Be flexible

  • Don’t blindly stick to your list of interview questions. Be confident enough to follow the conversation flow to different places – all the while – making sure you get your core questions answered. Be flexible.
  • Teach something. When you are on the interviewer side, it can seem / feel that you are just taking. . .sapping them dry of information.  See how you can educate, help, or teach them something.  Tell them about finviz, podcasts, or the latest book you read.
  • Pace the conversation. Learn how to keep a conversation going. It’s perfectly fine to transition to a new topic by talking about yourself – something you learned, something you like – which allows them to get to know you. You open-up, so they open-up. It’s a two-way street.
  • Create variety. No one wants to talk about the same damn thing over and over. Mix it up. Make it fun for the other person. Don’t be pedantic.

Give them time to think

  • Learned more recently . . . When giving an intro to a question, keep talking until the interviewee is ready to respond. Nod of the head. . .or engaged look.
  • Additionally, if they have a pause and are not eager to start the response – help them out and rephrase the question, or perhaps give an example. Be willing to laugh-off false starts and be human.
  • “Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers” – Voltaire 

Shut up and listen

  • This might be the most important one. Let them talk.  If you ask a question, let them answer  
  • Practice. This sounds a bit weird, but for those who this does not come naturally . . . you should actually practice being a good conversationalist. Life is all about story-telling, persuasion, and people. The better you get at this, the better consultant, attorney, banker, marketer, etc you will be.

Earn the right to continue

When people agree to speak with you, they don’t OWE YOU anything. Think about it.  If they are a $200,000 hour person, then you taking 1 hour of their time. . .frankly, you owe them at least $100 dollars. So make it worth their time. 

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